I have taken a real liking to myself. That’s why I am thankful for throwing out my back, despite depending on others to tie my shoes.
Now please do not think that I fail to care for my back precisely the way WebMD says I should. Quite the contrary! I am taking the long view of my health. By throwing out my back now, at the ripe young age of it’s none of your beeswax, I am investigating the waters of old-person matrimony BEFORE getting married.